Well Blake is 5 now.  He finished off the school year strong and will be doing one more year of ECSE in the fall.  We had the option of sending him to preschool, but with his speech/cognitive delays I don't think he would have gotten the individual attention he needs to learn and would have been way behind.  His ECSE teacher is moving to pre-K due to some physical restrictions, so he will have a new teacher next year.  But I am hoping in a couple years he will be able to have Miss Sheri as a teacher again.

His speech has exploded since the last time I wrote.  He is putting together many sentences and phrases, instead of just a couple.  "I don't want to" and "I didn't mean to" are some of his favorites!  He is also telling us to shut up (his dad is his favorite target for that one) and has gotten my 2 year old Alli saying it, so we are trying hard to break him of that habit before the school year. 

He is eating everything and his behavior has gotten a lot better.  He still has his days where he is really challenging, but most of the time it is just because he is bored and if we come up with something for him to do that helps. 

We have gone to the beach a few times this summer and he LOVES it.  He has no fear of water and is the first one in the lake.  A life jacket is definitely needed for him because he does not understand how far is too far, and would quickly get in trouble.  I think swimming lessons will be really good for him...maybe next year when he is a little older.

We are STILL potty training.  He is pretty cooperative and will always go when brought to the bathroom, but does not tell us when he has to go.  I am hoping this will come soon, because I feel like this is one of the main things that differentiates him between his peers.  Although he has special needs, he is still 5, and that is pretty old to be in diapers.  I don't want him to be the only kid in his class in pull-ups.

I took him and Alli to the mall the other day to play in the big tree house.  I was nervous the whole night before because I thought he would be ignored by the other kids because of his delays.  Then a little boy came up and introduced himself, and asked if Blake wanted to play.  He kept asking him what his name was, and Blake wouldn't answer..I don't know if he was being shy or just didn't understand how to answer.  Anyway I went over to him and I said "his name is Blake.  He can't talk very well but I'm sure he would love to play with you."  And that sweet little boy didn't care one bit.  Blake and his new friend ran around that place together for the next hour, and it was so nice.  So....normal.  And it made me so happy.

I am enrolled at GRCC and will be starting school in a little over a month.  I am so excited and so scared at the same time.  I know I need to do this, to get my degree so my family can have a comfortable life.  But what if I can't?  What if I am not smart enough, or strong enough?  What if I fail?  I wish I had done this years ago, but the reality is I had my kids.  I am only going part time, early in the morning or at night, so Nick and I can both still work, and I can still have time for the kids.  When my name comes up on the wait list, all the kids will be in school and I will be able to attend during the day. 

I feel so guilty because by the time I have my life together, Paige will be off to college and will miss out on the new house (with a pool) that I WILL have someday.  We will have struggled through most of her life, and for that I am sorry.  But we did the best we could with the cards we were dealt, and we can do better for the other kids.  And Paige can use the pool when she comes home for the summer, right?